Postlude 1: Celephaïs – The Sheridan Tapes
CONTENT WARNING: Implied transphobia and dysphoria, strong elements of existential dread, paranoia, unreality, and coughing sound effects
“In a dream it was also that they came by their name of Kuranes, for when awake they were called by another name.”
Through the shifting waters of the Source, those living beyond the veil see many possible worlds. This is one such world…
Starring Meredith Nudo as Amy Sterling, Ashley Heather Quills as Lucy, and Wray Van Winkle as Kuranes, with original music by Jesse Haugen. Written and produced by Wray Van Winkle, and inspired by the short story Celephaïs by HP Lovecraft. This episode was written and produced by Wray Van Winkle, and made possible by our supporters at Patreon.com/homesteadcorner and ko-fi.com/homesteadcorner.
Support the TST Pride Collection Kickstarter: https://bit.ly/TSTpride
Script
Transcript
CONTENT WARNING: Implied transphobia and dysphoria, strong elements of existential dread, paranoia, unreality, and coughing sound effects
[Rolling waves on a black beach]
[Distant thunder]
[Hushed whispers from the void]
[Footsteps approach, then stop]
[Amy sighs]
Amy Sterling
The Source. The infinite potential of all worlds. The roiling chaos that is the heart of all existences. The place where all space and time and realities meet and coexist as one. A place that is not a place, in a time that is not a time.
Not so very long ago, and yet, ages and ages past… I made a mistake. For fear of losing myself… for fear of losing the world I once knew… I drew my last and only friend into these waters, intent on trapping her forever in a place I thought was hell. To unmake and unravel the only living person who… still loved me. To return to a life that no longer exists.
Stupid! Powerful as I’ve become, there is no scheme I could imagine that would undo what happened to me as a child. From where I stand, I can touch every moment in space and time across every world that could ever be… but not even I can change my past. If I did, it would cease to be mine, and I would cease to be me. In the grand reckoning of the cosmos, we’re nothing but the sums of all the joys and the sorrows we’ve felt across the years. Anna showed me that. She showed me so many things, even when I didn’t want to see.
Even before I drew Anna here, I should have known that nothing could undo my fate. It was sealed by forces greater and more terrible than I could ever imagine long before I was born, and now… I don’t think I’ll ever really know why.
And yet… is my story really so unique? In the shadowed waters of this place, I can see billions of lives, twisted and bent beneath the weight of choices they did not make, of histories they did not write, of forces far stronger and grander than any mortal life with no regard for the souls they crush beneath their boots. Is the world I thought I knew so much better? Or is it just that when I left it, I was still a child?
[Footsteps]
Here is one such soul… one who faces such powers and principalities as I’m sure my parents faced day by day while I slept, blissfully unaware. Or perhaps… something darker. Something deeper. I would say that it’s a future that may yet be… but all futures are present for those who live them. Come close… and listen.
[Fades to coffee shop ambience – voices, muffled traffic outside, an espresso machine steaming milk]
[Car honks outside]
[Noise fades down in one of the quiet corner booths]
Kuranes
I… I-I just… I don’t know what to say.
Lucy
What is there to say?
Kuranes
[Sighs]…nothing, I guess.
Lucy
I guess.
[Beat]
Kuranes
So, uh… what do we do now?
Lucy
I don’t know. I really don’t know. But I can’t stay here, K.
Kuranes
[Flinches] Please don’t… don’t call me that here.
Lucy
Come on K, no one can hear us…
Kuranes
Just… please.
[Beat]
Lucy
Fine. But I still can’t stay here. If I have to keep pretending, then… this job is going to kill me. It’s going to kill you too. Don’t give me that look, you know I’m right. And if I’m honest with Warden, I’ll be out on the street in less than a week.
Kuranes
He can’t do that, Lucy–
Lucy
He can, and he will. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so scared about someone overhearing us.
[Long beat]
Kuranes
Where will you go?
Lucy
[Sighs] I don’t know. Got some savings… not a lot, but it’s something. I can always live off credit cards for a bit. Lease was coming up anyways, so at least I don’t need to worry about that. And staying with family isn’t an option, so… open road, I guess.
Kuranes
Wish I could go with you.
Lucy
[Sighs] No, you don’t.
Kuranes
Why wouldn’t I?
Lucy
Because leaving would mean being honest with yourself, and we both know you aren’t ready for that.
[Long, hurt beat]
Kuranes
…wow, Lucy. Just… wow.
Lucy
Sorry. But it’s true.
Kuranes
[Sighs] Yeah. Probably.
[Lucy stands, gathering her coat]
Lucy
[Sighs] Goodbye, K.
Kuranes
I said–
Lucy
Yeah I know. Just… goodbye.
[Lucy walks away and out the door]
[Chimes jingle as she leaves the cafe]
[Kuranes sits in silence]
[An elevated heartbeat grows louder and louder until…]
Unknown Voice (echoing, distorted)
Wake.
[A series of noises, montage-style]
[Beep of an alarm]
[Rising from bed]
[Shower curtain opened; water; creak of knobs]
[Shower stops]
[Footsteps, a bus in traffic]
[Footsteps, an office phone ringing]
[Sound of traffic]
[Opening door at home]
[Laying down in bed]
Unknown Voice
Sleep.
[A dream-like space, floaty, underwater]
…In a dream it was also that he came by his name of Kuranes… for when awake he was called by another name…
[A muffled, drowning scream]
Unknown Voice
Wake.
[Kuranes wakes, coughing and choking as if they’ve just surfaced from underwater]
Kuranes
What the fu—?
[Bed creaks as he shifts]
[Alarm rings]
[Laptop starts up]
[Brief typing]
[A video call chime, then an answer beep]
Therapist
[Too loud, distorted] HELLO ADRIAN–
Kuranes
Oh shit – h-hold on, hold on!
[Quickly clicks a few different buttons]
[Sighs in relief]
Kuranes
Sorry, sorry, had you on speaker.
[Beat, listening]
I-I’m, uh… I’m doing okay, um… Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
[Beat, listening]
Well, um… a-a friend of mine at the… they left the company a few days ago.
[Beat, listening]
No, no, like… like a really good friend. Kind of the only one I had at work.
[Beat, listening]
I-It’s not… it’s not really that simple.
[Beat, listening]
[Sigh, exasperated] Never mind. It’s not… I guess it’s not really a big deal.
[Beat, listening]
No, i-it’s… [Sighs] it’s not just that. I’ve… I’ve been having these weird dreams lately…
[Another series of noises, montage-style]
[He jumps out of bed; shower sequence]
Kuranes (Voiceover)
I’m… underwater.
[Bus leaves station]
[Footsteps in office; phone ringing]
Kuranes
Sorry Mr. Wakefield, know I’m late, know I’m late.
Kuranes (Voiceover)
Or at least, that’s what it feels like.
[Kuranes sniffs, settles in, then yawns]
Kuranes (Voiceover)
The weight of the water is pressing down on me, and I’m just… so tired.
[Sounds of typing, fading out into something dream-like]
Kuranes (Voiceover)
And then there’s this voice…
Unknown Voice
Sleep.
[The same dreamy, underwater space as before]
In a dream Kuranes saw the city in the valley, and the sea-coast beyond, and the snowy peak overlooking the sea…
[Sound of bubbles in water, Kuranes breaks the surface of the waves, coughing]
Unknown Voice
Wake.
Kuranes (coughing)
No, not yet, not—
Unknown Voice
WAKE.
[Kuranes cries out, whips their sheets aside]
Kuranes
Wasn’t I…?
[Alarm goes off]
[They leap out of bed]
Shit…
[Footsteps on concrete, then the metal steps of a city bus]
Kuranes
Hey, uh… do you remember if I took this bus home last night, or was it–
[Someone behind them coughs, impatient]
Kuranes
N-never mind.
[Kuranes pulls out their phone and pays the fare}
[Sounds of bus leaving; traffic]
Kuranes
Shit, that was my stop.
[They leap up and pull the next stop cord]
[Footsteps into office building]
[Phone ringing]
Kuranes
Yes, yes, I know I’m late, I know I’m late. [They answer the phone] Wakefield Consumer Products, how may I direct your call…?
[Answers the phone]
Hello, Wakefield Consumer Product?
[Stomach rumbles]
[Coins in a snack machine]
[Bag of chips crumples]
Kuranes
Hey George, um… do you know if I clocked out last night?
[George makes a non-committal sound]
[Clock ticks]
[Bell chimes]
[Kuranes begins packing up]
[Phone rings]
[Someone clears their throat]
[Kuranes groans, annoyed]
[Answers phone]
Kuranes
Yes… this is Wakefield Consumer products, how may I direct you?
[Sounds of the bus again]
[The noise of traffic fades, dream-like]
[Kuranes breathes gently]
Unknown Voice
Sleep.
[Heavy sound of waves]
[Kuranes wakes on a strange beach, sputtering and coughing]
[Seagulls]
Kuranes
Where the hell…?
Unknown Voice
Wake.
Kuranes
Wait!
[Kuranes wakes in their room, tumbling out of bed with a painful thud]
Kuranes
Oh… ow.
[Pulls out phone and types in a number]
[Phone rings, then is answered]
Uh, hey Mr. Warden, um… I’m sorry, but I can’t come in today, I… I’m not feeling good.
[Beat, listening]
Uh… headache, n-nausea… confusion. I-I didn’t get any sleep last night, I… I think I might have a fever.
[Beat, listening]
I-I know, I know. I’ll still try and get some work done on those reports if I can.
[Beat, listening]
[Heavy sigh] Yeah, fine… today will be unpaid. I’ll put in some extra hours next week.
[Beat, listening]
Thanks, Mr. Warden.
[Hangs up]
[Heavy, tired groan]
[Kuranes flops back down onto the bed]
[Beat]
[Kurantes sits up]
[Types in a four letter name to his phone]
[Long, hesitant beat]
Kuranes
Come on… just call her.
[Beat]
Just call her, you idiot. Tell her she’s right.
[Beat]
Please, just… just call her.
[Microwave starts and runs as Kuranes stares at it.
Kuranes
Call her.
[Muffled conversation on TV]
Kuranes
Call her.
[Slow typing on a laptop]
[Kuranes yawns]
Kuranes
Call… call her.
[Shower starts and runs as Kuranes stands in the water, motionless]
Kuranes
…call… call her…
[The water gets louder and louder until…]
Unknown Voice
Sleep…
[Kuranes is walking down a paved alleyway, waves distantly crashing]
Unknown Voice
Perhaps it was natural for him to dream a new name; for he was the last of his family, and alone among the indifferent millions of London, so there were not many to speak to him and to remind him who he had been.
Kuranes (calling out)
Who said that? Who are you?
Unknown Voice
The more he withdrew from the world about him, the more wonderful became his dreams; and it would have been quite futile to try to describe them on paper…
Kuranes
Can you hear me!? Hello?
Unknown Voice
There are not many persons who know what wonders are opened to them in the stories and visions of their youth; for when as children we listen and dream, we think but half-formed thoughts, and when as men we try to remember, we are dulled and prosaic with the poison of life…
Kuranes (voice echoing)
I know you can hear what I’m saying! Answer me!
Unknown Voice (slowly becoming clearer)
And why should I answer you? What words could I speak that would make you understand? What explanation for all you’ve seen would make you happy? That it was all but a simple dream, a fluke of somnambulism? That the darkness you’ve seen exists only in your mind, and you do not seek these dreams to dull the ache? Or that it is not in these dreams alone that you live, and the life you lead awake is when you truly sleep, numb to the world around you?
Kuranes
This… This isn’t my life — I’m more than this.
Unknown Voice (voice now clearly Kuranes’)
Are you? Are you sure that’s what you really want? Or wouldn’t you rather be Kuranes, wandering lost in the streets of Celephaïs until you cannot remember the pain of living as someone you’re not?
[Silence]
Kuranes
You’re me.
Unknown Voice
I am you.
Kuranes
And I am Kuranes.
Unknown Voice
You are Kuranes.
Kuranes
And I don’t want to stay here.
Unknown Voice
You will find nothing but pain out there.
Kuranes
Maybe. But it’ll be my pain.
Unknown Voice
Then wake, Kuranes… wake up.
[Kuranes wakes gently in their bed]
[They lay there, enjoying the quiet]
[Silence]
[Eggs cracked into skillet, sizzling]
[Cell phone vibrates; Kuranes answers]
Kuranes
Oh hi Mister Warden… No, no, I know what time it is.
[Beat, listens]
Where am I? I-I’m home, making breakfast.
[Beat, listens]
Oh? [Scoffs] Fine by me. I was honestly going to send you an email in a bit.
[Beat, listens]
Yeah, of course I’m serious.
[Beat, listens]
Yeah, I thought you might say that. Take it easy, Mister Warden.
[Kuranes hangs up]
[They stir the eggs slightly]
[They dial another number; other side answers]
Kuranes
Hey Lucy? Yeah, yeah, it’s me… it’s K.
[The waters of the Source fade back in]
[Amy steps back]
Amy Sterling
Anna showed me what this place can truly be… not a hell of my own making, but the truth of all existence — endless, chaotic, complicated, and… and beautiful. [Laughs happily] All those who enter the Source see it differently, and perhaps the way we see it changes as we do.
Perhaps the city Kuranes visited was how they viewed the Source. Maybe the voice they heard in their dreams was one of the powers which shaped and moved reality beyond the veil. Perhaps these dreams were their own way of asking “what would you do to save yourself?”
And then again, perhaps not. Perhaps these patterns simply repeat themselves over and over again across worlds and time simply because that is the question at the heart of all of us… what we would do, to save ourselves. Or to find ourselves. Salvation, after all, is not the same as survival, and both Kuranes and I almost damned ourselves, just to keep on living.
I know what I almost did. But to save one’s self, one must truly know that self… and I don’t think I really did until today. I still don’t know if I do. But I am… trying. And I will probably keep making mistakes… but I have all the time in the worlds to make them right.
I am Amy Sterling, and with the infinite waters of the Source to guide me… maybe, I will.
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