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CONTENT WARNING: Strong elements of existential dread, unreality, self-destructive behavior, claustrophobia, and severe character injury, depictions of guilt and grief, and loud noises including screams

01152020: Sam Bailey crosses the veil.

Starring Alejandra Cejudo as Amanita, Trevor Van Winkle as Sam Bailey, Leslie Redman as Molly Davis, Virginia Spotts as Kate Sheridan, Sam Taylor as Ren Park, and Kris Allison as Daniella Caldwell, with additional voices by Chris Hubbard, Alyssa Gaiser, Ama Mayer, and Meg Honnold, and original music by Jesse Haugen. Written by Trevor Van Winkle and produced by Virginia Spotts, with dialogue editing and sound design by Trevor Van Winkle. This episode was made possible by our supporters at Patreon.com/homesteadcorner, ko-fi.com/homesteadcorner, and our backers on Seed&Spark.

For more information, additional content, and episode transcript, visit thesheridantapes.com

Script

Transcript

CONTENT WARNING: Strong elements of existential dread, unreality, self-destructive behavior, claustrophobia, severe character injury, depictions of guilt and grief, and loud noises including screams

[Deep below the earth, the quiet creaking of something growing, working through rock and soil]

[Voices echo in the deep, layering on top of each other]

Beechwood Monster 

The mind that made mine, to which I am a bare function, a base desire to hunt: It presses me back into physical form every time death might grant me some measure of release. Whether I am of this world or another, I only know that in all my searching, I have not found that mind anywhere on Earth.

De Witt

Long and short of it is… I’m no one. At least, that’s how it was at the start. Don’t remember much of it. Lights in a lightless place. Dark otherwise, and I knew it, even if I didn’t have eyes to see. Voices, though how I heard them, I can’t say. I don’t even know how long I was there. I don’t even know if it’s right to say I was there, or that any time really passed: it was barely like consciousness at all, that state of unbeing.

Anna Sheridan

I’m standing out in the desert, watching my dad as he shovels dry sand into a set of molded, plastic buckets. He’s working frantically, trying to build a sandcastle as quickly as possible… But without any water, the walls just crumble away to nothing. I want to help, but I can’t get any closer. When I try to move, I can feel my legs sinking deeper and deeper into the sand, like something’s pulling me down.

Kate Sheridan 

And I saw… a lot of things I still don’t know how to explain. I’ve tried to find the words, but… I don’t think they exist. Not in any language I know, at least. And some little voice in the back of my mind seemed to warn me that trying to describe them might actually be enough to finally undo me completely. These spirits that I guess are always there, but common grace keeps us from seeing them.

Sam Bailey

I opened my eyes, and this time I could feel the edges of the illusion all around me. Or… Maybe just the edges where these woods and the city touched one another. Perhaps they’re both real, in their own way. I’d like to think so.

Amanita

“And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.” And the spirit of our god is in the waters, moving through them — and our god is the waters, moving through itself.

[The voices align]

The Question

“What would you do, to save yourself?”

[The branching tendrils of mycelia break into an open underground space as Amanita rises]

[A few footsteps]

Amanita 

The Source of All that Was and Was Not and Will Be Again is Within Me and Without Me and Beyond Me and Below Me and Before Me, forever and ever.

[Cassette noises]

Amen.

[Click]

[Main Theme]

Recording Begins

[Cassette noises]

[Click]

[Static fades]

[A quiet room in the medical wing of ISPHA Meriwether]

[A small clock ticks]

[The faint and distant sound of machinery]

[Digital clicks on a phone]

[A recording begins to play]

Sam Bailey (recorded)

Listen, I know what you’ve probably heard about me. But trust me when I say I didn’t have a choice when I ran. There’s more at play in Oslow than anyone knows, and Morrison is not who people think he is.

Molly Davis (recorded)

What are you talking about?

Sam Bailey (recorded)

Morrison. He has some kind of agenda — I don’t know what it is yet, but he’s willing to kill people for it. You don’t like OCPD? Neither do I. And you don’t know the half of what’s going on there. It’s rotten all the way to the core, and they’re about to do something… Big. Dangerous.

Molly Davis (recorded)

What do you mean, “dangerous?” What kind of danger?

Sam Bailey (recorded)

I don’t quite know what it is yet, but I’m trying to stop it. I can explain everything if you just give me a few minutes — please just put the gun down first, okay?

[A long pause]

[Beep of Molly’s radio]

Molly Davis (recorded)

LEO Davis to HQ, come in.

[Beeps back and forth when she talks to Forest Service]

Sam Bailey (recorded)

Wait, wait!

Forest Service Dispatcher (recorded) 

HQ to Davis, we copy.

Sam Bailey (recorded)

Molly, please don’t do this—

Molly Davis (recorded)

HQ, I have a—

Sam Bailey (recorded, distorted)

NO!

[A ripping noise]

[Molly screams, her voice distorting and echoing unnaturally before it cuts out]

[Static fades back down]

Sam Bailey (recorded)

Oh god… What have I done?

[Beep as recording ends]

[Sam takes a deep breath]

Sam Bailey

Samuel Isaac Bailey, recording for ISPHA internal records — personal log, January 15, 2020 at 11:45pm Mountain Standard Time.

Ren, if you’re hearing this — if anyone’s hearing this — then that probably means I’ve failed. And if that’s true, then this… 

Wait… Hold on.

[He crosses the room to the door]

[He pulls the front panel off the electronic lock and disconnects the power cable; sparking and buzzing]

[He walks back to the center of the room]

There… That should keep anyone else out of here until I’m done. I really have no idea how long this is going to take — Amanita gave me some good pointers, but I still don’t fully understand how this “otherworld” works. And I know I’m taking a massive risk doing this on my own without telling anyone, but — I really can’t think of a better option right now. If I tell Ren or Caldwell or any of the ISPHA folks, I’ll be locked in this lab anyways — just like they did with Anna.

If I tell Kate or Bill or Maria, then I’ll have to tell them that I pushed someone into the void back in November and lied about it. They already look at me like I’m some kind of freak half the time… I don’t want them to think I’m an actual monster. I might have told Jerry if he was still here, but… 

I have to do this on my own. But — if I don’t make it out of this — then I do want the truth on record, for the sake of my conscience if nothing else. So: on the morning of November 5th, 2019, I pushed Law Enforcement Officer Molly Davis of the U.S. Forest Service through a hole in space-time near Santa Lucia State Park into the supernatural otherworld behind it. It was an unthinking, instinctive act of self-defense that I still don’t fully understand, but out of fear and a need for secrecy, I did not attempt to pull her back into the universe before I left. As far as anyone in Oslow can tell, she’s still missing.

It’s been… difficult, but I was able to do some research on her. She has a family in Scallow — a wife and two kids, and a dog I honestly thought was Russel for half a second. They’re all waiting for her to come home — and I’m the one that took her from them.

So I have to fix it. I’m the one who has to make this right. No matter the cost.

[He sits on the cold tile floor]

Alright — observe the breath.

[Static begins increasing]

[He takes several deep breaths, slow and regulated]

[His breathing calms, then with one last exhale, the sound shifts into a harmonious hum, his voice echoing slightly]

[He has pushed beyond the veil]

[Distant sound of wind and waves]

Okay — so far so good. I’m in the same underground space I saw in the cabin, but it’s… different this time. I can still see the walls of the lab, but it doesn’t feel like I’m going to sink through the floor this time. There’s also no sign of the guardian, thank god. I wonder if… 

[He cuts off, glancing down]

Oh. Yeah, that’s definitely me down there. Amanita said that doing this pushed me outside my physical body, and it’s currently sitting on the floor of the lab. That is… weird. I’m still connected to it — I can feel everything it’s feeling, that I’m feeling. But… 

[He sighs]

Out of body experiences are a trip. Hopefully this is still being picked up by the recorder… it was when Amanita taught me how to get here the first time, so it should be on the tape now? Somehow?

At the very least, this all confirms my current theory about the guardian — that it’s a kind of immune system for this place, and the first time I crossed the veil I pulled too much of physical reality in with me — my body, for one thing, along with most of the basement. None of that’s ever supposed to enter this place, so the guardian came to close the wound and eradicate the infection. But now — this part of me is always here, on the other side. I’m just looking through its eyes now.

If that’s the case — I really hope the guardian hasn’t found Molly yet.

[He pauses, then shakes off the thought]

Can’t focus on that — need to figure out how I’m going to find her first. I mean — Amanita called me a seeker, so… I should be able to find her, right?

[Brief pause]

Molly! Molly Davis, can you hear me?

[His voice echoes]

[He sighs]

Right. Of course they can’t. Amanita didn’t call this “the infinite” for nothing. Maybe… 

[Static increases as he extends his power]

[The static rises too quickly, accompanied with a high ringing noise]

[It fades as he reacts in surprise]

Whoa!

Jesus. Okay, that didn’t work. God, if I could get a headache in here, I’d probably have one.

There’s just way too much emotional noise for me to find anything that way, much less a single human being. I’m feeling — everything. Every single power in here all at once — it was like being linked to the Jovian again. Just… too much to ever process.

[Brief pause]

I can’t use Molly’s emotions to find her… but what about my own? That’s how Amanita had me make the stone tape — by focusing on my emotions around Allen. If I focus on that link with Molly, I might be able to follow it and find her.

[He takes a deep breath]

[The static shifts slightly]

I sent Molly into this place. I was scared and paranoid and pushed her out of the world to protect myself. I took her from her family. I took her family from her. And I have to fix that.

[The static shifts again]

[Sam observes where he is]

Alright… I think that might have done it. So — one small step for man, one… AH!

[Rushing wind, Sam stumbles and loses focus]

[He falls back into the physical world, the echoing sound vanishing]

[His body crumples on the ground; he coughs and pushes himself up, pushing a rolling stool to the side]

Ugh… Ow.

[He breathes hard, wincing]

I think I just bruised my ribs. Thankfully it’s… it doesn’t feel like anything’s broken. I don’t know how I ended up on my feet though… I guess wherever and however I fall out of the veil, my physical body just… follows. Lucky me.

[Sam takes a breath, then continues]

I don’t know how much you actually heard, but I’ll try to describe what happened. After I focused on Molly and my connection to her, I tried to move in the direction I thought was towards her — but the moment I did, the entire world just lurched away from me. I could’ve sworn I was going the right way, but… I honestly don’t know shit about this place. Up is down, down is up. It’ll be a wonder if I can find anything in… 

[He takes a deep breath, refocusing]

Knock it off, Bailey  — you have to try. You have to find her.

[He notices something]

Huh.

The clock seems like it’s gone off. My watch says midnight, but it reads half past two.

It might have been off before, I didn’t check before I started. I should keep an eye on it from here on, though — time might get a bit shaky in there.

[He slows his breathing and slips back through the veil more quickly than before]

[The familiar uptick in static and echoing hum resumes]

[Distant sound of waves]

Okay… I know I need some way to find her in here — some kind of link. I assumed it would be emotional, because that’s what my abilities are mostly based on — emotions. At least… that’s how it is on the other side. Maybe it’s different in here. Amanita said that human emotions press against the veil and influence this place, so maybe they’re too powerful to navigate by in here? Or too unfocused, maybe… my feelings about Molly are all tied up in other things, other people.

So if the emotion’s too general — what about her name? What about focusing on her specifically, and the moment I pushed her into this place, without emotion? Would that work?

[The static shifts as he takes a breath]

[A sound like wind through grass, but backwards]

[Sam observes what’s happening]

Alright, something — something’s happening, at least. The, um… the fog is moving faster now, though it almost seems like it’s going… backwards? And I can see glimpses of the waves beneath it, though they’re all blurred out and unclear. It’s almost like looking at a time-lapse… I can see the shifting and undulation of the water more clearly sped up, and there are… there are lights down there, in the fog. Almost like lightning seen through cloud, but… not. They’re all different colors and sizes, and I can feel different emotions rising from each one… different minds. It’s like how DeW— like how Ned described it: lights in a lightless place. I guess… I guess this is where we were both born.

[Brief pause]

Can’t worry about that now. I need to find Molly, and I don’t think she’d be in the fog… at least, I hope not. Something tells me that’s not a fun place for humans to exist. Maybe if I can move towards the shoreline? When I was there with Amanita, it looked like the place Kate saw Anna, so maybe that’s where people who cross the veil show up? Through those doors?

Though maybe I’m taking this place too literally. There’s no physical reality to any of this, but I’m seeing waves and fog and shorelines that look real… that look solid. I’m guessing this is all just — my brain interpreting something that is by definition incomprehensible… forcing it to make sense. No wonder I’m seeing waves. I wonder what someone else would see, if they were here?

I need to be careful I don’t assume too much of anything I see—

[he cuts off]

[A faint, distant sound of movement]

Sorry, I just… 

There’s another light down in the fog… a bigger one, and more consistent. It’s a deep, bright red, and it’s still flickering, but — not like lightning. It’s more like… 

[The faint sounds of flames]

Fire. An unnatural, hungry fire.

I know that power.

[The sound of crackling flames spikes suddenly]

[He cries out in fear, stumbling back]

[He falls to the floor again, groaning in pain]

Okay, I know I moved that stool out of my way last time. How is it—

[Quiet sound of a ticking clock]

When did the lights go out?

[Sam stands back up, groaning in pain]

They must be on a timer. I’m guessing time is moving faster out here than it does when I’m in there.

[He crosses to the wall]

[He turns the fluorescent lights back on]

[He returns to the center of the room]

Yeah, the clock in here says it’s almost 4, but my watch is still just past midnight. I need to be careful — if I stay too late, someone might realize the door is broken.

[His ragged breathing slows and he crosses into the veil again]

[Increased static and harmonious echoes return]

Right… I think I’m getting closer. At the very least, it’s getting easier to slip in and out of this place. But I haven’t found her yet… not by a long shot. Her name got me this far, but I think that’s about as much as I can hope for. But what other link do I have? The guilt is strong, but… not personal. I don’t know her, so I’m not connected to her — not the way I need to be to use it as a guide. So what else do I—?

[He cuts off]

[He pulls his phone out of his pocket]

Right, uh… so I’m still outside my physical body, but I guess whatever I take with me into this place shows up here — including my phone. Or at least — some reflection of it. That’s… I guess that’s good to know. And if that’s the case, then… 

[He clicks a few buttons]

[The recording of Molly begins to play]

[The sound is distorted, but it works]

Sam Bailey (recorded)

Listen, I know what you’ve probably heard about me. But trust me when I say I didn’t have a choice when I ran. There’s more at play in Oslow than anyone knows, and Morrison is not who people think he is.

Molly Davis (recorded)

What are you talking about?

[Recording continues underneath]

[Static shifts around Sam]

Sam Bailey

It’s working. I’m moving now… over the fog and waves and towards — I think that’s the shoreline, but I can’t be— 

[He gasps as the sound becomes overwhelming; rushing wind]

[Sam is flung through chaos, caught in breathless fear]

[The wind disappears, Sam comes to a stop in a dark, underground place]

[He breathes heavily]

[His voice still echoes slightly]

Sam Bailey

I… I guess that worked. At least… It took me somewhere else. I can’t see where… it’s pitch black down here, but — [drop of water] it feels like I’m underground now. Below that beach, or — far beneath the waves. I don’t know. I don’t think I can, not unless I… 

[Something catches his eye]

There’s uh… I can see a light now. Not like the lights in the fog — this one is fainter, but more steady. It’s small, and it’s pale, but… honestly, it almost looks like a candle, the way it’s flickering. And it’s just about at my height… like it’s being held by a human hand. I think I can almost see the outline of fingers around it, but… I can’t be sure. Not in this light. But maybe it’s… 

Molly?

[The sound of a flame moving, a faint flutter]

[Soft, padding footsteps walk closer]

It’s… it’s moving closer. Whatever it is… if it’s actually her, then… 

Molly? Molly Davis, is that you?

[The footsteps stop]

[Pause]

[Whoever it is begins to walk away]

Wait… Wait! Molly! Come back!

[He tries to catch her, his movements are stiff]

[The other footsteps continue to recede]

What the hell… I’m not getting any closer. The faster I run, the further away the light… 

Molly, please! I’m sorry I put you here, but you don’t have to be scared — I’m trying to help you! Please!

Molly Davis (low, whispered)

You’ve done enough, Bailey.

Sam Bailey

Molly?

[He tries to turn to see where she is]

[The veil closes around him; all sounds of the otherworld vanish]

[He grunts as he realizes he can’t move]

[Sound of trickling rock and sand, shifting around him as he fights back against his restriction]

[He begins to breathe hard; he starts to slow his breath]

Sam Bailey

I’m uh… I’m back in the real world, but — not in Meriwether. Definitely not. This is… Wherever it is, it’s underground… deep underground. I’m guessing… Wherever I went on the other side, it’s… it’s dumped me back out here — buried. A hole in the ground, just big enough to hold me.

[He struggles again; the soil and rock shifts]

[He cries out in strangled pain as the space gets smaller]

[His voice is increasingly muffled on the tape]

Shit… It’s unstable. It feels like it’s crushing my arms and legs, but I can’t… I can’t move. I can’t see. Molly! Molly! Help! Please!

[Silence]

[Sam forces down panic]

No — no, she’s not there anymore. If she ever was. I need to…  I need to calm down — get back over the veil.

[He tries to slow his breathing to cross over]

[As he takes a deep breath, the earth shifts and compresses him harder]

[His breath catches in his throat; squeezed hard]

Please! Somebody help me! Anyone! I can’t… 

[Silence]

[Ragged, desperate breathing]

Amanita (distantly)

What would you do, to save yourself?

Sam Bailey

An… ANYTHING.

[A whooshing as Sam is transported out of there, back into the lab]

[He stands, breathing shakily]

[A strangled, breathy laugh]

[He attempts to take a few careful steps, then collapses to the floor]

[The clock ticks]

[Long silence]

[Someone forces their way in through the electronic lock]

[The door creaks open]

Kate Sheridan

Sam? Sam, are you in here? 

[She takes a few steps, then sees him]

Oh god.

[Kate rushes across the room; kneels at his side]

Sam, talk to me — please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead… 

[Her voice is heard clearer as she shifts Sam’s body slightly to check his pulse]

Oh, thank god… 

[She rushes to the intercom, dialing a number]

Anyone, this is a medical emergency — medlab 4, level 10. Please hurry!

Mark Williams (through intercom)

Copy that medlab 4 — EMTs are on their way. Please describe the subject’s injuries?

Kate Sheridan

Uh… Bad. It’s hard to tell what’s blood and what’s… I think it’s dirt?

Mark Williams (through intercom)

Dirt? From where?

Kate Sheridan

That’s what I want to know.

[Sam coughs, Kate rushes back over]

Kate Sheridan

Sam? Sam, don’t move, you’re — you’re very hurt.

Sam Bailey

Tell me something I don’t know.

Kate Sheridan

The medics are on their way, just… stay still and try to stay awake.

[Sam laughs, pained]

Sam Bailey

And I was having such a nice dream.

H-how did you get in here?

[she considers briefly]

Kate Sheridan

Well… I was having nightmares about you, to be honest. You were lost and calling out for help, and I had to find you, but… I couldn’t. I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I went down to your room — and when I didn’t find you there— 

Sam Bailey

You came looking for me. Found the locked medlab. Broke in.

Kate Sheridan

Was I wrong to be worried?

Sam Bailey

I guess not. Good thing you only found me now, or else… 

[Sam trails off as he passes out]

Kate Sheridan

Sam? Sam, wake up — Sam!?

[A few pairs of footsteps hurry in]

EMT 1

Ama, check his vitals.

EMT 2 

Roger that.

EMT 1

Meg, get that stretcher up and ready to move him.

[Velcro and mechanical compression; a blood pressure cuff]

[Beeping of a heart rate monitor starts up]

EMT 3 

Copy that, boss.

EMT 1

Mrs. Sheridan, please step aside.

Kate Sheridan

What? I’m not going to leave him!

EMT 1

You can stay in the room, but you need to get out of our way.

Kate Sheridan

Oh — right. Sorry.

[Kate stands back as the EMTs swarm around Sam]

EMT 2

BP 88 over 40, heart-rate 55 bpm, oxsat 89 and falling.

EMT 1

Alright, let’s get him onto the stretcher — [cuff is removed] easy though, I don’t like the sound of his breathing.

EMT 3 

Ready?

[The EMTs shift him onto the stretcher]

EMT 1

Ama, get a blood pack and antibiotic solution going, now.

EMT 2 

Copy that.

EMT 3

What’s thi-?

[Shuffling as EMT 3 pulls the recorder out of Sam’s pocket, shutting it off]

[Clack as the tape ends]

[Silence]

[A quiet office in ISPHA Meriwether]

[A clock ticks on the wall]

Dana Caldwell

Two broken ribs. A punctured and deflated lung. Severe lacerations and bruising across 90% of his body, not to mention sustained oxygen deprivation and lung damage exacerbated by dust inhalation. And to top it all off, further mental and physiological trauma from disorientation and burial. If he were fully human — he wouldn’t be alive right now.

Ren Park

If he was fully human, he wouldn’t be able to put himself in that situation in the first place.

[Silence]

Sorry, I just — bad joke.

Dana Caldwell

If anyone could manage that, it would be Samuel Isaac Bailey, and we both know it.

Ren Park

Yes sir.

[Dana shifts in her chair]

Dana Caldwell

You were tasked with keeping an eye on Anna’s “searchers” — all of them. With making sure they stayed safe and on-task. I gave you full discretion on how to accomplish those directives, but this incident — along with their unplanned detour in Texas — demonstrates how short-sighted that was.

Ren Park

Doctor Caldwell, if we try to push them any—

Dana Caldwell

DON’T interrupt me, Park. Your laissez-faire attitude has proven completely insufficient to keep these civilians in line. If they’re to survive the next few months — much less accomplish their mission — then we need to offer them a higher degree of discipline — of direction.

Ren Park

Doctor… if I may?

Dana Caldwell

Go ahead.

Ren Park

I’ve been listening to the team’s logs. All of them. They’re already chafing under what few restrictions they have, and like you said — they’re civilians. They have no ties to the organization beyond the ones we foster, and if we push them too far — they’ll just leave. The fear of Morrison will only keep them here so long, especially if what Leroux told them is true.

[Her chair creaks as she leans forward]

Dana Caldwell

I leave you to figure out the right balance of carrot and stick, Ren — but no stick isn’t an option. Not anymore. They need to be brought in line, and if you keep giving them as much slack as you have, then it’s only so much rope for them to choke themselves with. Rein them in, or I will.

[Brief pause]

Ren Park

Are we doing the right thing, Dana? Is all of this… is it all worth it?

Dana Caldwell

Ren — it’s the end of the world we’re talking about. Survival is the ultimate good… and when it’s threatened for the whole of humankind, all moral lines have to be redrawn. Salus populi suprema est.

[Ren sighs]

Ren Park

You’re right — of course you’re right.

I’ll keep a closer eye on all of them from here on out — Sam especially. Once he’s out of the medbay, at least.

[Her chair creaks]

Dana Caldwell

We can be human again after we’re done, Ren. For now… if we must be monstrous to survive, then let us become monsters.

[Clack]

Recording Ends

End Theme & Credits