B-Side 10: "Air" – The Sheridan Tapes
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CONTENT WARNING: Some existential dread and paranoia
B-Side 10: Hello and welcome to another segment of “Amy’s Sterling Wisdom,” with your host…
Starring Adrian Gibbs as Adrian Briggs and Meredith Nudo as Amy Sterling, with original music by Jesse Haugen. Written and produced by Virginia Spotts, with dialogue editing and sound design by Van Winkle. This episode was made possible by our supporters at Patreon.com/homesteadcorner, ko-fi.com/homesteadcorner, and our backers on Seed&Spark.
For more information, additional content, and episode transcript, visit thesheridantapes.com
Script
Transcript
CONTENT WARNING: Some existential dread and paranoia
[A rumbling, whooshing sound]
[The sound of fire; of ripping]
[Low bassy noises]
[A rising, piercing tone that builds and builds]
[The piercing tone and all other sound cuts short as Adrian Briggs wakes, startled]
Adrian Briggs
Where…? [he looks around the small room] This isn’t my studio…
[A clock ticks on the wall]
[He stands from the chair and takes a couple steps to the door]
[Faint classical music is heard distantly through headphones]
Where am I? Only one window in here and I can’t see a thing outside.
[He puts his hand on the doorknob, then pulls back]
Why does that feel… hot?
[beat]
I’m… I’m just having a bad dream. Just—
[The sudden rustle of a single sheet of paper]
[He sits back at the desk and picks it up, reading aloud]
“Hello and welcome to another segment of ‘Amy’s Sterling Wisdom. I’m your host, A…”
[He shifts]
“I’m your host, Adrian Briggs, and we are… live?”
[He looks up, seeing the ON AIR sign turn on with a light florescent buzz]
Ah, so we are… live… on the air…
[He stands and goes back to the door, jiggling the handle]
Amy Sterling (vaguely echoing)
I wouldn’t go out there if I were you.
[He jumps]
Adrian Briggs
What the… who’s there?
Amy Sterling
I put a lot of work into protecting you from what’s outside this studio, Adrian. You’d better leave that door alone. Would be a shame to waste all that effort.
Adrian Briggs
What’s going on? Where am I?
Amy Sterling
Can’t you read the sign? You’re on air… and you have a show to present.
Adrian Briggs
[he scoffs] Just… just a bad dream… too much beef jerky before bed…
[He sits and picks up the paper again]
Hey, uh, if I’m live, then who’s broadcasting this? Hm? And how do I stop when I’m done? [he scoffs]
[No answer, he sighs and begins reading]
“Dear Amy,
I started developing feelings for my friend Ben about five months ago. Last month, I finally got up the courage to tell him how I feel. He turned me down, but with a lot of kindness, saying he wasn’t in the right space for a relationship right now.
The problem is, we used to text every few days, and now sometimes there are weeks where I don’t hear from him at all. We’ve been friends for about 3 years, and this change is very hard to handle. In addition, he lives farther away (about a 40 minute drive), so it feels like I’ve lost most of my chances to interact with him.
Here’s my question: I want to ask him if there would be any chance of he and I being an “us” someday, because he didn’t say he wasn’t interested, just that he wasn’t in the right space. Would it be worthwhile to reach out and ask him again? It took me a lot of courage to tell him I had feelings the first time, and I don’t know if I could handle another rejection.
Sincerely,
Crushed and Crushing”
Amy Sterling
Dear Crushed and Crushing…
I want you, for a moment, to ponder the vast emptiness of existence. The illusion of understanding… of control… of being. The very idea of “you and him,” of “us…” Well, I suppose that’s closer to the truth, but not, perhaps, in the way you imagine.
In truth, you have never been separate from Ben. Just as you have never been separate from your parents, or the bully that followed you through middle school, or your dog, Maverick, who died when you were 8. There are no meaningful lines that you can draw between yourself and the many ancestors and monsters who fill your family line… or the family of Ben… or anyone else.
Consider also the vast, unknowable mysteries that shape your universe. Endless space. Unanswerable questions. Your own fragmented history. I would suggest that instead of moping around about how far from Ben you feel, you should develop a better perspective on the chaos that unifies us all.
Also, Ben isn’t interested. Sorry!
Next question, Adrian.
Adrian Briggs
Uh, Amy… listen, if you could just tell me—
Amy Sterling
Next question, Adrian.
[He sighs]
Adrian Briggs
“Dear Amy,
My partner (30, F) and I (34, M) have been married for 5 years and recently became swingers. We had close friends who were already involved in the community, and so our first experience was with them. Since then, we’ve started attending the same parties they frequent.
A few months ago, my partner started to become emotionally connected with another woman she met at one of those parties. While I’ve tried to be understanding and flexible, I’m concerned that they’re beginning to develop a romantic relationship outside the boundaries we’d established. When we started, we both agreed to keep our activities purely casual and limited to parties only. This feels like it’s bordering on polyamory, which I’m not sure I’m prepared for and we’ve previously agreed is not for us. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Swing and a Miss… and a Mrs.”
[Amy giggles]
Amy Sterling
Dear Swing and a Miss, and a Mrs…
I encourage you to embrace the chaos of this moment. Let go of all your preconceived notions of what your relationship to this woman means. Indeed, what sex and relationships mean at all. At the end of the day, we’re all born alone. We will die alone. And in the truest sense, we all live alone. No one will ever understand your experiences the way you will, just as you are utterly incapable of understanding your wife’s experience. This state that you two share — your marriage — is so completely temporary that it’s hardly worth fighting over! Personally, I applaud your wife. I applaud her utter embrace of this connection, despite the chaos that waits beyond all things. I suggest you follow her example.
Next question please, if you wouldn’t mind.
[Adrian falters; he’s already looked ahead at the next question]
[He breathes nervously, heart beating louder]
Adrian Briggs
I… I don’t think I will.
Amy Sterling
No?
Adrian Briggs
No.
Amy Sterling
Come now, Adrian… you do want to know why you’re here, don’t you?
[He pauses]
[He begins reading, bitterly]
Adrian Briggs
“Dear Amy,
My messy divorce and the custody battle that ensued has prompted me to make a rather severe mistake. I was looking for my next big thing after it all fell apart — a purpose, you could say. [he scoffs] I heard something about a missing park ranger in Western Nevada, and for some reason — maybe watching too much Dog the Bounty Hunter, [he scoffs again] maybe the thought that if I can’t find myself, then I might as well find someone else — I set out to look for her.”
[Addressing her directly] Amy, what the hell is this?
[No answer]
“I packed up my minivan and drove out to Oslow. At least, I think I did. I remember seeing the welcome sign next to the road, and then the next thing I know, I’m waking up somewhere I don’t know. I’m trapped in a cramped, empty recording studio with nowhere to go and nothing to do but read this paper. What do I do next?
Sincerely…
The Host with the Least.”
Amy Sterling
Dear, dear Host with the Least… what a predicament you’ve found yourself in.
I’ll tell you first that you’re lucky to be alive. To still be conscious. To still be you. It’s not an easy thing to do out here, in the nothingness. To retain a sense of yourself. Do you know why that’s happened?
Because I put you here. Although you did help me a little bit.
Adrian Briggs
[He scoffs] What the hell does that mean?
Amy Sterling
Your will was already striving for a place where you felt safe… felt in control. I simply helped to make it real for you… well, real as it can be.
Adrian Briggs
You… you made this room?
Amy Sterling
I did!
Adrian Briggs
…why? What do you want from me?
[Amy laughs]
Amy Sterling
Well, dear host… we have a long journey ahead of us. And you have a vital role to play in it. The future, after all, is nothing if not precarious… and your voice will be the one that helps to guide it.
End Theme & Credits
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